My wife, Christine, and I bustled about the house tying up all the last loose ends before people were to be starting to show up in our backyard. This was our first proper birthday party we were throwing for Amos. His first two birthdays were fraught with cancer fight obstructions. One actually in his hospital bed. The other just shortly after he came home in remission, which with the timing of it he could not yet really interact with many people and kids per doctor's orders at that time in his recovery. However, today our little warrior turned three years old, and we finally got to throw him a proper birthday party in the backyard with as many friends that we still managed some contact with after basically two years in social darkness with his battles. I whispered a lot of promises in his little ears as he lay motionless in the ICU at Primary Children's just barely holding on during his worst moments. Now as Christine and I nervously prepared for our guests I recalled all those promises about my own efforts for his young life, and all the people I promised him he'd meet. Many of those folks were going to be showing up, and many of those same folks were a huge part of our support here in Utah when he was fighting his battles.
^Toys out for the kids. Munchies on the tables. Drinks chilling on ice in coolers. Balloons blown up and hung. Pizza for all the guests. The list was larger then each of us realized it would be in our first endeavor into a backyard birthday bonanza toddler style, but we checked tasks off with intent for our little boy. We both just wanted everything to be perfect for him. We often find ourselves trying to go over and above for him because of the suffering he endured and our tendencies to want to try and make up for it all with him. He has no idea he has had a rough go of life thus far for such a young boy, but we do. We often find ourselves setting unrealistic expectations on ourselves to give him a good life worthy of his will to live. It is a parent guilt burden we will have to live with forever even though he only knows that the large scar across his belly is, as we taught him to say, "from when I was sick, but I am better now". The second part of that phrase which we made sure to teach him is kind of like if we make him say that, then it will manifest itself to remain true as long as he keeps saying it. We both also know that if that does in fact remain true that we too cannot hold onto that parent guilt that drives our need to over produce a life for him that is worthy of the amazing sacrifices and pain he endured to survive. We know that over time we will have to treat him just like any other little boy, but this day he is his first real birthday party we can throw for him just like many little boys get to have every year. So for us that is still a really big deal worthy of all our nervous running about with last minute preparations.
^Once we settled into the evening we began to enjoy watching him play with our friend's kids enjoying all the bells and whistles of a birthday party just like any other three year old boy. We were able to relax, and take it all in. The smile on the his face racing around with the other kids. The giggles in their tiny voices as water balloons and water gun squirts shot across the backyard playground scene. The nervous look on Amos' face as everyone sang "happy birthday" to him. It all became so precious as the party milestone moments unfolded.
^Blow'em out buddy!
^Eat as much cake as you can handle little man, you deserve all of it and so much more! We will keep doing our best to make sure you have every chance at the kind of childhood any little boy should have.
^I can't speak enough about how grateful we are to be able to have had this party for him. I can't speak enough about the people who came to celebrate with us, and the support all of them were to us when we were in our darkest hours of the cancer fight. We joked with our friends that this party was our first emergence out from social darkness, and that we really wanted make a point to see them all more in the future. It seems the more we can return to a life that resembles something normal the less and less we will have to feel like we have to go above and beyond for him so he can continue to live just like a regular boy enjoying a standard proper birthday party.
